Twists and turns of Life

There can only be 2 reasonz fr me to be riting this.........its either im too bored or im getting paid fr it.....which i am not.Also things in the past have started to weigh on me,stress buster u may call this or just pointless trash.Lately life has displayed yet again its everlasting twisting qualities, just when i thought things might start to look up, the whole thing crashes around me.... leaving me to stand around and pretend like nothings happened, to say that its alrite, tht im alrite......and they believe me......even though i tell them all that i lie more than anything else, they take my word and go away like nothings happened. And i stand there, with the rubble of my dreams, my hopes and i think how easy it was fr life to take that turn, swerving off the happy tracks just when they began.People keep telling me that someday i'm going to get a lot of happiness i say thts bullshit, if u believe that, u must be a really lucky person. I think of all the things i could have done, how easily i could have made their life's, hell. But no, even though i be Lucifer, there still is a "saint " before it. They tell you that your worthwhile, that you mean something to people, Openly you agree, but you noe as ever they say so that you may shut up.I tell them i wont live long, and i noe i wont, and they tell you not to talk like that. You look for someone to tell things to, But then when you think you have found them, they just show you how crafty the brain of man can be. You tell them your hurting and yet they go on about how their lifes are messed up and how hard their work is, or how bad their mums will screw them, and you hear all that and think its better to just hear them talk and let them feel better.All anyone will say is life is tough, learn to face it. Frankly answer me, how many fuckers out there noe what it is to live like i have to, None do.....cuz u can never be in my place. I live in dignity, i find it HURTING MY PRIDE, to stoop before anyone. Yet i'l do it if it helps someone, im not praising anyone, heck!.....im worth being to sent to hell for all eternity. But, they way i see things....... i would rather be in hell, than in heaven with people like them.I amnt talking about anyone person in general, it's just how people have been for the better part of this year.Heck.....i wish all the times i tried to die, just once, only once i actually manage it......




ps - i noe, no one will read this post......but im riting anyway.